can't sleep...time to blog.

This blog is supposed to be strictly college advice for a friend. But on nights light tonight when i can't sleep, i figure it should also be a way to get all of my thoughts out so maybe i can get some shut eye. 

Let me start out by saying... I'm fed up with penises and the things attached to them we refer to as boys. All the fairy tales and Disney movies paint this perfect picture of Prince Charming and living happily ever after. Gag me. Kissing frogs gets you no where. You wind up bitter and heartbroken and not being able to trust a single human that pees standing up. For a girl like me, the Y chromosome is the root of all evil. I'm the kind of girl that falls for any human with a dick and that tells me I'm pretty. Falling in and out of "love" is not supposed to be that easy. Maybe the falling in part is, but the falling out, not so much. True love, if it even exists, comes along once in a lifetime. I think I'm just afraid of passing up the real deal so I date every guy I know to make sure it's not him. Ridiculous. I know. 

For weeks I've been praying for strength, wisdom, guidance, peace, and patience. And then I automatically think I have all the answers. A great friend of mine had an incredibly rare moment of good advice after I spoke with him about this. He said, "Quit talking to God and start listening instead." Sounds easy. But it's easier said than done. With the majority of the people around me I am patient and understanding, but when it comes to dealing with my own life, I want results right then. 

I've noticed what might be the root of all of my problems. I don't live in reality. Ever since my father left when I was a kid, I haven't lived in the real world. I've done whatever I can to make everything okay with everyone around me. I live in a fantasy world where it's possible for me to be a princess and make everyone else happy. And to be honest, it's destroying me. I do everything I can to make losers and jerks happy and end up bitter and heartbroken. Over and over again.  

I know. I know. "Just stop talking to them." Not as easy as it sounds. I'm easily persuaded and guilted into things. Not one of my better qualities. I really think I need time to focus on me. And that's not going to happen with anyone around. I need to be isolated and forced to think for myself and figure out who I am. Not who I've been pretending to be since I was 3. 

I don't smile all the time. I act like everything is okay, but in reality, my world is crashing down around me. I don't want to be a teacher. I don't want to live with my parents. I want to get away. I want to live in a big city. I don't want to go to school. I want to spend my life living. Not spend my life living to grant other's every wish. I want to live for me. I want to act like a kid but balance out the kid and the adult in me. I want someone to give me guidance as to what to do, but I don't want to be told what to do. I want to have the chance to make my own mistakes without hiding anything from anyone. I don't want to worry about getting approval from anyone before doing something. I want to live my life without someone telling me no. I want to figure it out on my own. I don't want to be smothered by anyone. I want to live my life for me. I want to learn to make choices without other people affecting them. I want to learn to say no and stand up for my rights. I don't want to be forced or guilted into family vacations when I need to stay back and work. 

I just want the freedom to be me. But before I gain it, please lock me away for a few weeks and let me figure out me. I'll need food and water. And padded walls. And a place to shower and pee. But besides that, I want no one or anything to distract me. I want to figure out me and live my life for myself. I'm done living my life the way others want me to. It's my turn to prove who Micah Wilson really is.

The Situation. Part 2

Every day on a college campus brings new experiences. Or things that remind you of other things you must blog about. More situations to avoid. Enjoy.

1. Know which shoulder is stronger. If you ever get locked in a closet with no locks; or your roommate puts stuff on the door that makes it get stuck, use your strong shoulder to ram all of your force into said door. I've had to use this one a few times.

2. Umbrellas stink. I would suggest waterproof clothes. Like boots, jackets, pants, even undies. When your umbrella flips inside out, it does you no good. At all. I'm pretty sure I could go swimming in my clothes from today because of all the water they collected.

3. When you run into two or more awkward boys from high school at a time, run. Trust me. The longer you stay, the more awkward it will get. Never a good time.

4. Don't brush your teeth twice in the bathroom at the same time. Some people can't pee when other people are around and it gets really miserable trying to hold it until they're gone.

5. Make sure to keep a supply of meds in your dorm room at all times. Tylenol, Pepto, Sprite, Crackers, Dayquil, and the likes are very good to have on hand.

6.  Stumbleupon. Stay away from it. It is the best way to stay unproductive.

7. Playlist.com. Love it. Free music. And you can save your favorites. Great for when you need a random Ke$ha dance party in the dorm.

8. Tornado watches/warnings on campus are never fun. Except when you're sitting on the first floor of Tate with my momma and Dr.Dean Dennis George. Bring on the 70's music trivia and short air guitar session to "Sweet Child of Mine."

9. The train. I think it likes to blow the horn when people are for sure sleeping. Over and over and over again. Get used to it. Fast. Or you will have many sleepless nights.

That's all for now. Good luck. And keep your pants on.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino

Going to college in the same town you grew up in can be a lot of fun. You already know people and know your way around, but still have the chance to get to meet new people. Sounds great. But there is a down-side. Sometimes, high school drama follows. And then there is always the college drama. Avoid it like the plague. For your sanity, please try not to get yourself into situations such as the following examples.

1. Handcuffs. Don't get them. And don't have them around guy friends. You WILL end up handcuffed to a door in the middle of the night. It tends to be cold and uncomfortable.

2. Don't go anywhere alone on campus after dark or after 5:30. No matter how short of a walk. You will most likely be hit on. And if it's Thursday-Saturday, it will most likely be drunk guys chanting "C-A-T-S! CATS! CATS! CATS!"

3. Always have witty comebacks. It's a must. And use a serious/sarcastic tone and any disgusting fellow will run for the hills.

4. Never get into a situation where you have to ask who is grabbing your rear. Most likely, it will not be the person you were asking if they grasped your hiney. Always awkward.

5. Carry psychological evaluations with you at all times. You never know when they'll come in handy. Use before you go anywhere with anyone. Or else you might end up at dinner with girls that chase squirrels.

6. Have a codeword for your roommate to use when you need to excuse yourself for playtime. Don't laugh in their face when they text back saying "it's safe. that was a waste."

7. One fella at a time is plenty. Otherwise you will get yourself in a mess of a web. Honestly, less than one fella is even better. Maybe like 7/15 is enough to deal with at a time.

I think that is enough advice for now. Good luck. And keep your pants on.