The Situation. Part 2

Every day on a college campus brings new experiences. Or things that remind you of other things you must blog about. More situations to avoid. Enjoy.

1. Know which shoulder is stronger. If you ever get locked in a closet with no locks; or your roommate puts stuff on the door that makes it get stuck, use your strong shoulder to ram all of your force into said door. I've had to use this one a few times.

2. Umbrellas stink. I would suggest waterproof clothes. Like boots, jackets, pants, even undies. When your umbrella flips inside out, it does you no good. At all. I'm pretty sure I could go swimming in my clothes from today because of all the water they collected.

3. When you run into two or more awkward boys from high school at a time, run. Trust me. The longer you stay, the more awkward it will get. Never a good time.

4. Don't brush your teeth twice in the bathroom at the same time. Some people can't pee when other people are around and it gets really miserable trying to hold it until they're gone.

5. Make sure to keep a supply of meds in your dorm room at all times. Tylenol, Pepto, Sprite, Crackers, Dayquil, and the likes are very good to have on hand.

6.  Stumbleupon. Stay away from it. It is the best way to stay unproductive.

7. Playlist.com. Love it. Free music. And you can save your favorites. Great for when you need a random Ke$ha dance party in the dorm.

8. Tornado watches/warnings on campus are never fun. Except when you're sitting on the first floor of Tate with my momma and Dr.Dean Dennis George. Bring on the 70's music trivia and short air guitar session to "Sweet Child of Mine."

9. The train. I think it likes to blow the horn when people are for sure sleeping. Over and over and over again. Get used to it. Fast. Or you will have many sleepless nights.

That's all for now. Good luck. And keep your pants on.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino

Going to college in the same town you grew up in can be a lot of fun. You already know people and know your way around, but still have the chance to get to meet new people. Sounds great. But there is a down-side. Sometimes, high school drama follows. And then there is always the college drama. Avoid it like the plague. For your sanity, please try not to get yourself into situations such as the following examples.

1. Handcuffs. Don't get them. And don't have them around guy friends. You WILL end up handcuffed to a door in the middle of the night. It tends to be cold and uncomfortable.

2. Don't go anywhere alone on campus after dark or after 5:30. No matter how short of a walk. You will most likely be hit on. And if it's Thursday-Saturday, it will most likely be drunk guys chanting "C-A-T-S! CATS! CATS! CATS!"

3. Always have witty comebacks. It's a must. And use a serious/sarcastic tone and any disgusting fellow will run for the hills.

4. Never get into a situation where you have to ask who is grabbing your rear. Most likely, it will not be the person you were asking if they grasped your hiney. Always awkward.

5. Carry psychological evaluations with you at all times. You never know when they'll come in handy. Use before you go anywhere with anyone. Or else you might end up at dinner with girls that chase squirrels.

6. Have a codeword for your roommate to use when you need to excuse yourself for playtime. Don't laugh in their face when they text back saying "it's safe. that was a waste."

7. One fella at a time is plenty. Otherwise you will get yourself in a mess of a web. Honestly, less than one fella is even better. Maybe like 7/15 is enough to deal with at a time.

I think that is enough advice for now. Good luck. And keep your pants on.